


Crown Jewels

by Meredydd



Series: Boredom Reigns [5]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 05:43:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3638922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meredydd/pseuds/Meredydd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Continuing Adventures of Lizzie, Cheekbones, and Shorty... Or, what happens when Lizzie decides to go incognito and help Cheekbones catch a murderer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crown Jewels

**Author's Note:**

> I feel I need to point out that any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is done out of satire and entertainment and not implying they would do anything like this. Ever.
> 
> Chapter 2 is forthcoming, "In which Lizzie actually helps catch a murderer".
> 
> part 5 of Boredom Reigns

**January 14**  
Well, I never...  
_**Addendum**_  
And no, We are not disclosing what We have never.  
_**Addendum the Second**_  
There are _impersonators._ People who impersonate _Us!_  
Pip will not stop laughing at Us.  
He says that We speak in third person when We are angry. Or tipsy. We are not amused.  
Pip can sleep in his blasted mancave.  
Oh. Oh, wait. We had that changed to a playhouse for Georgie and the spare.  
I mean. Baby To Be Named Later.  
Don't tell Pip I called our unborn grandchild the spare.  
Cognac makes me come over entirely Regency.

 **January 15**  
It took six hours for anyone other than Cheekbones, Shorty, and Holmes the Elder to realize I was missing! To be fair, the grandchildren thought I'd buggered off to nap, and Pip was still sulking about his mancave.  
Holmes the Elder is recovering, Shorty informs me. He also inform me that Cheekbones is still in gaol and neither he nor Holmes the Elder have any intention on posting bail any time soon.  
I might. Just to mess with them a bit, see them panic as they try to assure me that they aren't angry at all and they support my decision.  
Ugh.  
Maybe after this hangover wears off.  
_**Addendum**_  
My very brief incarceration as an impersonator has led me to a crossroads... I am at once horrified there are people making a living off of my face, and also very glad because I was sprung in under an hour when the nice lady at Scotland Yard was convinced by Cheekbones I was a, _ahem_ daft old lady he met on the street. The woman even slipped me a tenner, told me to get something hot to eat and call my family.  
I called Anne. She gets me. She really does. She showed up with Harry. I may have to get him a pony for this. Wait... I think he has a pony. Maybe his own castle. I'm sure we have a few laying about I could repurpose.  
_**Addendum the Second**_  
Oh, and the murderer is still on the loose. So that's a problem.  
Pip is sleeping (quelle surprise). It's well into the morning. I'm doing it. I'm bailing out Cheekbones. I'd best order up some Rennies for Holmes the Elder—I don't like the look of him this week. Very dyspeptic.  
_**Addendum the Third**_  
Have bribed Harry into helping me post bail for Cheekbones. Realized halfway down the back stairs I have no idea how to post bail. Harry does. I don't ask questions anymore—I'm afraid that he'll answer them.  
As far as bribes go, it wasn't very costly. A pass on the next family 'do—not the big ones, for the public, where we pretend it's an intimate family gathering that just _happens_ to be filmed or photographed. An actual, small, family 'do. Apparently, he's tired of that woman Chuckie married trying to matchmake him with some _raaaaaa_ sort. Didn't apppreciate being reminded that we _are_ the raaaaa sort. Harry's disguise for going about in public is rather genius (he must take after his dear Gran): Harry Potter shirt, an old pair of glasses, and baggy denims. He looks like a tourist. His American accent is deplorable, really, but if someone speaks to him, he responds with that horrid Cockney abomination from _Mary Poppins_ and they run the other way.  
Note to self: Replace Holmes the Elder's copy of that movie. One of my corgis may have chewed a bit. It was either a corgi or Mary-formerly-known-as-Pinesap.  
She's odd.  
Pinesap.  
Hmph.

 **January 16**  
Have bailed Cheekbones and Harry out of gaol. Harry was arrested for busking without a permit.  
I told him not to sing “Step in Time”.  
Cheekbones is duly chastised (threatening him with the wrath of Shorty works a treat).  
Harry is now an accomplice, apparently.  
We're on our way to Tooting. Harry won't stop giggling. Cheekbones is scowling, but I saw his eyes wrinkle.  
Hmph. _Men._

 _ **Addendum the First**_  
Cheekbones' phone has been buzzing away in his pocket for nearly ten minutes straight. He ignores us when we ask why not just turn it off. I have the feeling he'd be calling us idiots if he could get away with it (I may not have a guillotine after all but I do know where Cook keeps the chopping block). (I wouldn't actually behead a person! But I would put the fear of Me into them...)  
He also will not tell us how we are to catch this murderer, only that some fellow named Gavin is going to have a heart attack when he sees us.  
We're almost at Tooting. If he expects me to wait in the cab, he has another thing coming!


End file.
